How do you make someone leave you? It’s when you nag them. This is one of the biggest mistakes people make (women in particular) when dealing with relationships. It is one of the major causes of turmoil in all kinds of relationships, most especially in a marriage.
If you are a parent, you should know that when you start to nag your child, he or she is more likely disobey you. When you make appalling demands, which seem to restrict, it is less likely that you will receive a positive response. There is a big difference between discipline and being demanding. How do I know this? It is because I had been a “victim” of nagging for many years. I say victim without even a hint of humor because it has been happening since I was small and the nagging at home never stopped. All my life I lived with it through my mother. Can you imagine someone who’s always at your back? I did both good and bad things but the nagging and ranting never seemed to stop. It feels terrible to be nagged on.
Why is nagging a terrible mistake? Let us examine the human mind. We humans are born with the desire to be free. There is a need for us to see a limitless choice; a life without restrictions. If you chain a person, he or she will do their best to break free. Now in relationships, when you nag, the more likely you will be left by your partner.
Let me address one more thing before diving into the real “deal”. Why do women nag? We must understand that women are more emotional than men. Generally, women are more in touch with their feelings. This is not the problem here. The culprit of nagging is when a woman’s need is not being met- maybe because her requests have not been granted. Maybe she expected more time with her husband during weekends, maybe she expected more cards and flowers from her boy friend, maybe she needed her husband to do more house chores, just to name a few. Whatever makes a woman feel less loved, needed or appreciated, her emotional state takes a roller coaster ride. She may start to get moody, demanding, upset and thus, start to nag. But while this is true, this will not and should not justify women, or anyone for this matter, to keep nagging.
It is hurtful and extremely dangerous to nag someone because you will create in them an inner weeping/hurt. This will make that person leave you without guilt. If you don’t stop nagging, sooner or later you will find your relationship in its demise. Your husband or wife may begin to cheat on you or you may find that your child is rebelling against you. Such are the typical results of nagging. But not all problems are from nagging though. I only focused on it because it took a fairly large fraction of my life.
When you nag at someone, you make it easier for them to leave you- and this is something that no one wants to experience. Remember that no one entered a relationship to be miserable. So if you make someone feel miserable, you will feel the same misery as well. You will not be getting what you are asking/nagging for. Likewise, your partner is not getting anything positive or loving from you either. Tension begins as both of you try to get more from each other but are asking for it in the most destructive way. In the end, you get nothing but pain.
What you have to do is the opposite. Remember that when you want something, you have to give it first. Now I am not talking about material things. Here, I am addressing everyone’s need to have their emotional needs met; so if you want that, you must learn to give it first. Instead of nagging, ask things to be done politely, keeping in mind that this is a request. Requesting for something doesn’t guarantee that it will be done as soon as you asked. Don’t expect too much. Allow time. When your request is granted, don’t forget to appreciate it. Say thank you genuinely. Equally, when your requests have not been done, refrain from nagging. Keep an appreciative environment and you will start to see changes in your relationship. Never nag. In the first place, you are not in a relationship to impose demands but rather, you make requests. I am sure that you want your loved one to do things for you out of love and not just for the sake of making you shut up.
I believe with all my heart that any relationship can be mended, no matter how deep or high the extent of the problem. Is it really possible? Yes. Is it difficult? Terribly so. But if you know that you cannot afford to lose that relationship, you would do everything to fix it.
But how about relationships? I once had an encounter with this young lady with the values that go something like this: “Just as long as you’re happy, do it.” Later on, I got the chance to know her deeper and had found out that she indulged in an adulterous, casual sexual intercourse and she was totally fine with it. Her reason was that it made her and the man happy at that moment so it is justifiable to indulge in the situation. To add to that, she encourages a common friend “not to conform with the society with regards to sex”. She said she was liberating herself, coining it as her “freedom”. I call it blindness. While it is true that society is often bound by traditions, beliefs and cultures that oppress our freedom to express, we must also be aware of the kind of freedom we seek if this is regarding sexual intercourse.
